Why staying curious is life changing
When the going gets tough & options are limited
To say life has had its ups & downs, would be like describing the climb to Everest as a walk in the park. Sometimes it can feel like you are not just taking one for the team, you are the whole team & taking more than your fair share! All the teams have signed off for the day & there you are alone, standing in the middle of the field, holding all the balls at the same time. Sh** just got real.
When you are prone to anxiety, challenges (even realistic hard ones) can impair focus & concentration, decreasing your capacity for clear, concise decision making. Overwhelm, robs your brain of its ability to problem solve effectively.
Staying curious in situations which evoke anxiety, reduces the build up of tension, has the potential to turn your what if, into a new direction, the right one!
Curiosity drives new ideas, skills & perspectives. Curiosity takes you past your comfort zone, into the unknown without fear driven anxiety taking the steering wheel! No doubt you will feel the tug of uncertainty, let it speak. Feel your feels.
Your inner voice is vital. It can be easy to dismiss it as ‘over sensitive’ ‘over reactive’ ‘too finely tuned to stress’. All of this may be true, you have no need for rose coloured glasses when it comes to feeling unsafe, you know it, see it, smell it & taste it. That is a skill, not a problem to be fixed.
I’ve been there.
You’ve trusted someone, a workplace, a partner, friends or family & your life has taken a sudden u-turn. Your world is upside down & your head is still spinning, there isn’t enough clarity to know where to turn next. This is real. You’ve worked through some of the toughest moments in your life, only to feel as if you are right back at the start.
It isn’t.
This isn’t a rehash of the past. You survived it & kept going.
You will survive now.
This is the start of now.
This is your time to take all those lessons, strength, courage & resilience & shove it right up the a**e of those in your way of the life you deserve. Give yourself permission to be angry, to feel hurt, to be annoyed. Don’t let anyone silence your grief.
This is you, making space for joy, happiness & love. Not for hoarding grief & trauma until the sides of your heart burst.
Stay curious with me, it’s free.
What if on the other side of this view right now, is a better one?
What if the person who just hurt you showed you all the things you never want to become (as well as how to identify an arsehole at the first red flag).
This list has been stuck in my journal for some time. I add & subtract, update as required. It’s like the dash cam on the car, you might never realise its importance, until you need it.
So what can you do, when it feels like the option bucket is empty? Life is in a holding pattern & it feels like someone has you, by the………..(well, not anywhere comfortable)?
You’ve reached that point. Exhausted. Emotionally F***ed (we are being real here right?). There isn’t a drop in the tank & you are idling your way to the side of the road, to wait it out.
One thing after another, like a wave that keeps rolling in. Toxic relationships can undermine your financial, emotional, psychological & physical stability. This can be personal or professional, the deceit hurts no less.
This isn’t a prescription.
Take what you need, add to it. Let it spark your own curiosity.
It’s not a safety plan - see a professional & those are just as important!
For those of us who live in fire prone regions, keeping a fire safety box near the door is essential; it’s not if, it’s when. This is a ‘when things get tough’ map to the other side.
Put it in your phone, keep a diary. Choose your own way of creating a space to prompt you, jolt you back into the here & now when things become overwhelming.
Share it with a friend. You never know the life changing difference a little hope you can provide, in a time of crisis.
There is hope & it starts with compartmentalising where to next.
STAGE 1. Stability & survival
The first step is to keep going. Breathe. Survive. You are here right now.
Breathe, in, breathe out. Make it conscious, blow up your tummy all the way into the diaphragm; breathe deeply & exhale long. Let go what you can.
If you can, avoid homelessness.
If you can’t avoid leaving, maybe your home is unsafe or no longer afford where you are living, if the situation is unsustainable; think safety as a number one priority. Having a car can provide shelter, find somewhere safe to park.
In Australia there are multiple free camping sites.
Tell someone where you are, where you are going.
Check out the free camp apps online (no cost - use the local libraries to download / free wifi).
Call local emergency housing (I know the list in Australia is long & for some States more than a decade for long term public housing). Call crisis services.
In Victoria, Australia - crisis accommodation is 1800 825 955 (a 24hr Statewide number)
Nationally - 1800 RESPECT - If you are in need of emergency housing
Legal support - In Australia try Legal Aid (yes the wait can be long & the system is deeply flawed).
If you are leaving family violence call 1800RESPECT - 1800 737 732 to discuss your options.
Reach out to your local FV service for further information. Eg. The Women’s Legal Service in each State.
Keep notes / file a report with Police, even if you are unsure. Use notes in your phone - date / time / what happened / you observed / experienced
STAGE 2 - Rebuild your foundation
Stabilise your income stream. Make contact with a free financial planning service or financial counsellor (they can also assist with advocating for hardship to any debtors - until you can catch your breath). Seek income support - it’s a lengthy process, get the ball rolling.
Speak to the crisis services about voucher supports (fuel, pet boarding, food, essentials, clothing, cooking essentials, warm blankets)
Escabags are available with essentials (Escape bags designed by Stacy - in Police stations, emergency services around Australia).
Prioritise your mental wellbeing - reach out & seek support (either 24/7 call back services or local hospital, counselling, social work at the local hospital - talk to someone, this stuff gets too heavy to carry alone).
Consider work options - if out of work / pop your name down at agencies, upload your CV to Seek or online platforms. Maybe you can work remotely? Look for work which includes accommodation, power, reduces expenses? Utilise Libraries & emergency shelter with free wifi.
Use ChatGP / AI platforms (I don’t usually advocate AI, however these are really useful for brainstorming ideas for employment - upload your qualifications, interests, experience and let AI do the rest. You can delete if you don’t like it).
STAGE 3 - Design your life / the ONE you want
Long term planning
Do you want peace?
Do you seek happiness, joy, stability?
If you don’t have paper or a pen to write on - ask at the local shelter / crisis service (be your own advocate - speak up!)
What used to give you joy, before all this all happened?
What do you dream about doing? Being? Becoming?
Where would you want to live, if there were no obstacles (give yourself permission to dream big & send that ripple flowing)
Do you want to travel? Learn something new? Start a new career (age is never a barrier, people change careers all the way into retirement - Australian Joan Oliver earned a law degree at 75yrs)
Start a Pinterest - fill with all the ideas you dreamed of, keep yourself inspired. Set a regular time each day to browse, click & think about the future you are striving towards, a future where you no longer just survive, leap into thriving mode!
STAGE 4 - Strength, hope & connection
You are hope in action. You’ve got here! You survived the heavy load & here at Stage 4, with strength in your chest beating away; hope & connection in both hands. This is your time to thrive.
Reach out & connect - keep the momentum going. Find your tribe, group (online forum, community group, project group, study or friendships). Listen to how your body feels & allow yourself to connect with the right people for you.
Therapy - Find the right one! If holistic counselling is what you need, go there. If you need the emotional wounds cleaned, air to breathe, then find your therapist to support you in your healing process.
Start with your GP, talk to your doctor about your needs.
If living in Australia & needing referral to a psychologist, request a mental health plan for the free consults (find one who doesn’t charge the gap!)
Don’t forget the local hospital social work departments are free.
Community agencies are free.
Remind yourself - people who go to therapy are usually in therapy, to deal with the people who won’t go to therapy.
You are strong.
While at the GP, start exploring how you nourish your body, mind and soul. Are there unhelpful addictions which need attention (are you smoking? drink too much alcohol? using drugs to ease the discomfort?).
You will be a far better position to make decisions resulting in positive outcomes, if your body and mind is fuelled with what it needs, rather than over indulging in substances which help us ‘escape & avoid’ all the above.
You are strong, capable & you’ve got this - you’ve reached stage 4 & the path ahead is opportunities waiting, for when you are ready.
Keep going.
There will be times in life when the next breath seems impossible.
Hold tight to curiosity.
Staying curious opens your door to unexpected opportunities.
Curiosity can lead to new career paths, homes, friends & promotes a growth-orientated mindset, even when things don’t go to plan. Rather than what can go wrong, what if things can go right?
Keep your eyes in front. There is a time & place, when you have the energy & resources to unpack the why, how & what happened.
Right now, prioritise you.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, talk to someone immediately.
Call Lifeline – 13 11 14
Available 24/7 for free and confidential support.Text Lifeline – 0477 13 11 14
For those who prefer not to talk on the phone.Suicide Callback Service – 1300 659 467
Free, professional counselling 24/7 for people at risk of suicide.
If You're in Immediate Danger
Call 000 (in Australia) – Ask for ambulance or police if needed.
Go to the nearest emergency department
Love this and such a great resource