Are we there yet?
Staying curious on this adventure called life - Maslow's hierarchy of needs
How many times in life have you asked yourself, “geez am I there, yet?”
I couldn’t wait to grow up, to have a licence, go places, do things, be who I wanted to be.
How is that working for me? Not as planned.
There always seems to be something to add to the list, which grows more than it decreases.
I was thinking back to the early days of University and theories of human development, I was curious where I fit in each of those theories.
I decided to be curious about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, given right now, my basic needs are a bit hit and miss.
Well marketed health guru’s, will have you believe, something is wrong with you, if you can’t work out how to be in the ‘present’. The trouble is, the present isn’t always a place we are comfortable to be.
Anyone who has truly experienced poverty, violence, mental ill health, death, terminal illness, health challenges, suffering, war or the many psychologically and physically challenges human beings face, will know, life isn’t linear. Sometimes, the crap hits the fan when you least expect it, from a direction, you may never have seen coming.
This guy called Abraham Maslow posited a psychological theory in 1943.
Maslow describes a progression of human needs, structured as a pyramid with five levels. This could be a game!
Stage 1. you can access food, water and a roof over your head!
BOOM! You have passed level 1.
The only thing is, our needs begin at birth, at a time when have very little control over those needs, as the most dependent species on the planet.
So take a moment to contemplate, just how damn hard that is, when you are already starting life with less spoons than the child on the same slide, waiting for their turn. (see 12 Spoon theory for more info).
We are never in the same boat! (Some are floating on the water, other’s in yachts, others’ in canoes, some can’t swim).
Each level of Maslow’s Hierarchy represents another category of needs.
Maslow theorised, people are motivated by survival, to meet these needs in order — from the most basic to the most advanced.
🔺 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (Classic 5-Level Model)
Physiological Needs
Basic survival needs — food, water, warmth, rest, air, shelter.
These are the most fundamental. Without these, the rest don’t matter.Safety Needs
Security and stability — personal safety, financial security, health, order.
Once physiological needs are met, we look for safety and predictability.Love and Belongingness Needs
Relationships and connection — friendships, family, intimacy, belonging.
Humans are social; we need to feel accepted and part of a group.Esteem Needs
Respect and self-worth — recognition, achievement, independence, status.
This is about feeling valued — by others and by ourselves.Self-Actualization
Becoming your fullest self — realizing personal potential, creativity, purpose.
This is the desire to become “everything one is capable of becoming.”
However, we all know, with a cost of living blowing out of proportion, with homelessness increasing and 50 year old women, now the largest cohort of individuals experiencing homelessness - this hierarchy is not linear.
Just like any snakes and ladders game, you can role the wrong dice, step on the wrong path and suddenly heading backwards.
How Long Does It Take to Reach Self-Actualization?
There’s no fixed timeline. It depends heavily on:
Life circumstances (e.g., socioeconomic status, trauma, stability)
Personality traits (e.g., curiosity, resilience, openness)
Support systems (e.g., family, mentors, community)
Opportunities for growth and expression
Some people never reach self-actualisation because their lower needs remain unmet (especially physiological and safety). Others may reach it temporarily, or in phases, rather than as a permanent state.
You see how unfair, unjust and challenging this might be?
To all those out there prophet-ting (yes I said it correctly) from the wellness industry and disempowering mantra’s, you literally have no idea what some children or adults are living in or struggling with on a daily basis.
Not everyone was born to parents who could afford to raise them
Not every parent chooses poverty (loss of job, home, natural disasters, terminal illness, family violence or crisis)
Three years of age is the peak period of brain development (only our governments don’t prioritise in a way which supports parents to prioritise 3 years of age).
Approximately 823,000 children living in Australia, are existing below the poverty line
Geographic disparity is one of the greatest disadvantages in Australia - children in rural and remote areas are 4 x more likely to be subject of a child protection report, more at risk, have poorer health and education outcomes.
Maslow himself said self-actualization is rare, estimating that less than 1% of people achieve it consistently. He also later expanded his model to include additional levels beyond self-actualization (like self-transcendence), showing that growth is a lifelong process.
Maslow's hierarchy moves from survival needs →
to safety → to love → to esteem → to self-actualisation
Reaching self-actualization is deeply personal and often lifelong.
It’s not a linear journey — people may move back and forth between levels depending on life changes.
What about your journey?
1. “Am I surviving?” - Physiological needs
These are your basic survival needs: food, water, sleep, air, clothing, shelter.
👉 Ask yourself:
Do I have consistent access to food and water?
Do I sleep enough to feel rested?
Is my living situation stable and safe?
Example goal: If you're working multiple jobs just to pay rent and buy groceries, most of your energy may be going into this level. Setting goals around better income or stable housing is part of meeting these needs.
2. “Am I secure and protected?” - Safety needs
Once survival is stable, job security, stable health, freedom from violence, and financial reliability.
👉 Ask yourself:
Do I feel safe at home and in my community?
Is my job or income source stable?
Do I have access to healthcare and emotional safety?
Example goal: Building an emergency savings fund, getting health insurance, or leaving a toxic relationship aligns with fulfilling this stage.
3. “Am I connected?” - Love and belonging
Here we seek relationships and social connection: friendships, romantic love, family bonds, and community.
👉 Ask yourself:
Do I have people I can trust and talk to?
Do I feel accepted and valued in any group?
Am I giving and receiving love?
Example goal: Making time for deeper friendships, joining a support group, or healing family relationships. If you feel lonely or disconnected, working on this level is essential before progressing further.
4. “Do I matter?” - Esteem needs
At this stage, you want to feel recognized and respected, not just by others but by yourself. This includes confidence, achievement, competence, and feeling valued.
👉 Ask yourself:
Do I feel proud of anything I’ve done recently?
Am I respected by people I admire?
Do I respect myself?
Example goal: Pursuing education or skill-building, earning recognition in your field, setting and meeting personal goals, or learning to speak kindly to yourself.
5. “Am I becoming who I truly am?” - Self-actualisation
This is the pursuit of your fullest, truest self. You feel drawn to personal growth, creativity, purpose, and authenticity. You're not chasing external validation, but living in alignment with your deeper values.
👉 Ask yourself:
Am I living a life that reflects who I really am?
What are my unique gifts, and am I using them?
What gives me a deep sense of purpose or meaning?
Example goal: Starting a passion project, writing a book, traveling for self-discovery, mentoring others, or changing careers to align with what lights you up.
The tug-o-war of life
Life pulls us back and forth. Shit happens, life is messy.
Some days it feels like it is all going in the right direction.
The next a foreboding descent of unravelling.
A job loss might pull you away from health self esteem and a sense of safety.
A breakup might undermine your belonging, safety, feeling connected.
Be an active participant in meeting your own needs
I took this opportunity to be more curious about my own values, I applied Maslow’s Hierarchy.
My values of trust, kindness, compassion, honesty, love and safety, translated into actionable, personal goals.
My plan for safety, love, honesty, compassion, kindness and trust.
1. SAFETY (Base Level - Safety Needs)
Goal: I want to live in an environment of emotional and physical security for myself and those around me.
How will I do this?
Build a stable routine.
Set boundaries in relationships.
Prioritize mental and physical well-being.
Maintain financial stability and plan for emergencies.
2. LOVE (Belongingness and Love Needs)
Goal: I would like to foster deep, meaningful relationships through connection and empathy.
How will I do this?
Spend quality time with loved ones regularly.
Express appreciation and affection openly.
Listen without judgment.
Cultivate a sense of community or join supportive groups.
3. HONESTY (Esteem Needs – Self-respect and Respect from Others)
Goal: A major priority, is to live and communicate authentically.
How will I do this?
Be transparent about your feelings and intentions.
Admit mistakes and take responsibility.
Avoid manipulation or withholding information.
Align actions with values.
4. COMPASSION (Esteem Needs – Respect for Others)
Goal: I want to retain my compassion, despite hurdles and challenges; to show care and understanding toward others' struggles.
How will I continue to be compassionate?
Volunteer time or resources to support those in need.
Practice patience in stressful interactions.
Avoid judgment; seek to understand.
Offer support when someone is hurting.
5. KINDNESS (Self-Actualization)
Goal: To retain kindness as a natural part of my daily behaviour.
How will I do this?
Perform one act of kindness each day.
Compliment or uplift someone genuinely.
Support others without expecting anything in return.
Encourage growth and healing in others.
6. TRUST (Self-Transcendence)
Goal: I need trust, I need to cultivate and inspire trust in myself and others to create deeper connections and well-being.
How will I do this?
Be reliable and consistent in words and actions.
Forgive and rebuild when trust is broken.
Create safe spaces for vulnerability.
Mentor or guide others, empowering them to grow.
Are we there yet?
Stay curious in the pursuit of your own happiness, you, contentment. Your safety is a priority, your basic needs essential in meeting your own needs.
Don’t forget to our into your own cup.
- A Quiet Gift
I poured my soul in cups for others,
Always empty, never full.
Till one day silence asked me softly—
“Don’t you deserve a sip as well?”
I learned to listen to my aching,
To cradle sorrow, tend my flame.
To give myself the care I offered,
To speak my name without the shame.
Now love begins within my keeping,
Not begged, but blooming from my ground—
A quiet gift, a sacred promise:
I am enough. I am found.
xo
Tuls
Thank you from the bottom of my coffee cup xo
A simple cup, a thoughtful deed, you gave me just the boost I need. Warm in hand and heart alike, a gentle joy, a perfect spike.
So here's a thanks, both true and sweet. For kindness shared and caffeine treat. It meant more than a drink, you see, you
brewed a little light in me.
Are you Australian? I appreciate Maslow, too. His theory was always an important part of the nursing curriculum, of health promotion. I enjoyed your post. Thanks for sharing.